Finding Solace in Shared Struggles

Lessons from Arguedas' Deep Rivers

In the novel Deep Rivers by Jose Maria Arguedas, our narrator, Ernesto, has origins in two worlds, where he is the son of a travelling lawyer, but was raised by indigenous servants, before he is sent to a catholic boarding school. We witness Ernesto grappling between the Spanish and indigenous cultures as he feels alienated from the oppressive society of the Catholic boarding school but cannot return to his indigenous past. I found the plot of the story difficult to map out as the structure of the book is episodic and arguably does not follow a linear structure. Moreover, our narrator Ernesto, takes on a more passive role and observes much of the activity around him. While I have a slightly convoluted view of the novel, several poignant themes are highlighted which include the search for identity and belonging, and navigating the expectations imposed on oneself while living in accordance with one’s values. 

Ernesto has a very complicated background where he has roots in diametrically opposed social groups: the Quechua whom he feels a deeper connection to, and the upper middle class catholic role in society that he is expected to assume. The exploration of the struggle to reconcile one’s expectations and clues within the context of a diverse and evolving society is a salient theme in many people's lives in our modern society. I often hear stories from my peers about having feelings of imposter syndrome; part of the reason for these feelings, at least for myself, is the tyranny of external expectations and wanting to fulfill our potential, while also living in adherence to our values. This brings me to the question of what it means to live true to oneself. While we all have roots in some heritage, we are also constantly expected to adapt and navigate a changing and ever-so-complex world. This question has become especially salient in recent class discussions as we try to determine what it means to be representative, and how we can bridge the gap between our representation, and the “real”.

Even in our Go Global seminar cohort in Peru, I feel that I am constantly questioning what is expected of me, and how I can move through this experience in a manner that is authentic to myself, and my desired outcomes. However, I have yet to determine what I want to achieve and what it means to be “authentic to myself”, since our identities are continuously evolving and shaped by our experiences. Although I am undoubtedly grateful for this opportunity, it has made me confront many of the uncertainties I have about myself and the way I perceive the world since we have been catapulted into this new part of the world, which is a complex query that I was not expecting to face. However, after speaking to many of my classmates, I have found solace in knowing that this is a common human experience. I am grateful for the open space that we are given to discuss our emotional states and for the vulnerability of this group for candidly sharing their experiences. To take an example from earlier, “imposter syndrome” is an interesting term because the word “syndrome” pathologizes a very common human experience, but knowing that many of our peers share similar concerns helps dispel the shame around these natural emotional states. Overall, Deep Rivers, while valuable in many respects, has helped me confront some of the challenges I’ve experienced with navigating my identity and feelings of belongingness by helping me recognize that many people have similar struggles.